Within this hallowed webpage resides the all-time Hall of Fame articles of the KCNA. Some are hysterical, some outrageous, some unusual, and a few are just plain bizarre. If you have any nominees for inclusion into this rarified collection, feel free to suggest them. Don’t forget to include either the URL, or the date and title, of your nominee.
· NEW! Tunneling Under Reunification
· “Mr. Roh, tear down this wall!”
· Investigative journalism - the KCNA way
· From the Father to the Son
· ...and the Holy Spirit
· Begging for food, the DPRK way
· A land "plunged into famine and poverty"
· NY Times – mouthpiece of the Kim regime?
· The U.S. Group for the Study of Songun Politics
· Condolances to the U.S. for 9/11
· The defection of Hwang Jang Yop (a serial)
· First mention of Songun
Tunneling Under Reunification
Blast those south Korean authorities! They have the gall to give tours of the invasion tunnels that run underneath the DMZ in gross violation of the truce, thereby casting in doubt their own commitment to the reunification efforts.
Left unsaid by the KCNA is, uh, the matter of which side dug those tunnels in the first place.
Mr. Roh, tear down this wall!
Not content to let Western democracies corner the market on outrage over nation-splitting concrete walls, North Korea has angrily demanded for years that South Korea tear down a 240 km, 10 m high concrete wall that transverses the entire width of the Korean peninsula, running just below the DMZ. This demand would be exceedingly difficult for South Korea to meet, however, for the following reasons:
Investigative journalism - the KCNA way
Here’s the kind of hard-hitting investigative journalism practiced by the KCNA when delving into the shortcomings of the DPRK's socialist paradise. The KCNA poses the question to Vice-premier Jo Chang Dok as to why the DPRK is experiencing such shortages of electricity. What do you think he blames? An inefficient centrally-planned economy? Diverting a huge portion of the GDP to the military? Absolute refusal to open the country to foreign trade and capital, along with infusions of technology and ideas? Read on!
From the Father to the Son
The very idea of a monarchy through succession violates classic Marxist-Leninist ideology. That’s why articles like these are necessary for our enlightenment.
...and the Holy Spirit
Ordinarily, the cult of personality surrounding the Kim dynasty stays just below the level of deification. KCNA articles often speak of “man-centered” philosophy, staying true to the atheistic (or at least non-theistic) roots of classic Marxist-Leninist ideology.
Once in a while, however, the KCNA can’t resist shedding this false modesty by elevating the Kims into the realm of the divine.
Begging for food, the DPRK way
Only the DPRK could somehow find a way to beg for international food aid by berating and insulting one of its potential donors. Reading articles like this, you have to wonder: would it kill them to ask nicely for a change?
A land "plunged into famine and poverty"
Imagine a country of poverty and famine, teetering on the brink of economic collapse, cruelly repressed by heartless leaders.
Yes friends, that country is…South Korea?!
The New York Times--mouthpiece of the Kim regime?
On December 16, 1997, the government of North Korea took out a full-page ad in the New York Times, in which it praised Kim Jong Il and extolled the virtues of the Juche system. A few days later, the KCNA posted this article. (Keep in mind that the KCNA is usually blasting the Times for having the audacity to report on the DPRK's less savory aspects.)
A few months earlier, on February 16th, the Times also apparently wished Kim Jong Il a happy birthday.
And I thought the Times prided itself on unbiased journalism…
The U.S. Group for the Study of Songun Politics
Reading KCNA articles about the "U.S. Group for the Study of Songun Politics", one starts to picture millions of the disaffected American proletariat rising up in the streets, marching through U.S. cities with their fists upraised in the manner depicted by North Korean social realist murals. The "U.S. Public Figure" and chairman of this party is one John Paul Cupp, who apparently is a homeless guy in Oregon. If he is the chairman, it appears he must also be the vice-chairman, secretary, treasurer and night-watchman.
Visit the U.S. Group for the Study of Songun Politics website (external link). As you browse through, notice the capitalist ads located to the right.
Condolances to the U.S. for 9/11
This is about as much sympathy as the U.S. will ever receive from the DPRK. Maybe if an asteroid struck the U.S. and killed millions, they might send a floral basket. I guess you take what you can get.
The defection of Hwang Jang Yop (a serial)
Hwang Jang Yop: one minute, a humble high-ranking official of the DPRK going about his duties, the next, his fate uncertain, and then, THE RENEGADE IS DISMISSED (uppercase is KCNA's). Amazingly, the articles that mention Hwang Jang Yop prior to his defection still exist at the official KCNA website. Given that Stalinist regimes aren’t exactly known for preserving embarrassing evidence of officials who have defected, I have to guess that the KCNA has never actually gotten around to “purging” their own postings. Now, with the help of the searchable archive here at NK News, they can clean things up. Too bad for them that the postings are already stored over here, though.
First mention of Songun
Regular NK watchers know that the official philosophy of Songun, the army-first policy, gets pretty heavy play in KCNA propaganda. However, this policy was not even mentioned by the KCNA until April 2003, several months into the current nuclear crisis. Then it exploded! This article is the very first mention of Songun on the English-version KCNA website.